My Cannabis Cruise Pipe Dream

By Matthew Dean–Have you ever been on a cruise? The second time I went on a cruise I was lucky enough to be connected to a group of stoners sourcing their DNA from the Dam, twice a year. At the time, I was slinging some of the funkiest shit in Palm Beach County – no bragging, no bullshit – meaning before boarding the Bahamas-bound liner, I stocked up, my stash including a handful of pre-rolls and a few fat nugs. 

The year was 2001 and I was 27. The traveling party included my mom, her then boyfriend and his daughter, a college kid I hardly knew who was a softball jock. I was the total opposite. When my mom informed me, the jock and I would be sharing a room no larger than a cubicle, I added an extra nug to the stash. I was planning for two things: unwelcome drama and a blaze buddy. I got one, not the other. 

Weed was totally forbidden on the boat and my mom warned me not to bring any. But I knew both she and her boyfriend enjoyed a toke every now and then, so I ignored the warnings, and was glad I did. I had decided on White Widow, which my boy had all the time, and was the most terpilicious shit ever. It had a serious bang. My roommate clocked the scent the moment I walked in to our wardrobe-sized dorm. 

WTF? How did you get that in here? However, rather than be annoyed – as I’d assumed she would be – she was stoked. It broke the ice between us. We quickly set about looking for an ideal smoke-spot i.e. somewhere out of the way that sucked the smell of my bud out to sea and not into the path of my fellow-unstoned-cruisers. 

The cruise set up was pretty standard, a huge tub the size of a sky-scraper with a mix of entertainment options, chief amongst them, food and gambling. Buffets were laid out three times a day, mountains of food, enough to feed an army. The casino was open 24hours, as was the bar. Everywhere you went there was a deckchair and Pina Colada nearby. 

We found the perfect smoke spot under an out-of-the-way lifeboat. It became a go-to spot, not just for us but every other stoner on the cruise. 

Almost every time we went there, we found roaches or stumbled into someone just finishing up their sesh. We exchanged pleasantries at the smoke spot, and subtle nods when passing each other on the ship. 

Having that Widow made the cruise so much more awesome. Not only did I get the chance to bond with a new family member, and a bunch of random stoners, there’s nothing quite like getting blazed at sea. After one solo sesh, I found myself a deckchair, Pina Colada in hand, and lost hours watching the waves melt into the horizon. Is there anything more magical than the ocean, when baked?

It’s for this reason I’m keeping a keen eye on the evolution of the cannabis tourism industry, in particular, mentions of a cannabis cruise. A few brave companies have attempted to float the idea but nothing solid has emerged yet. 

I went on one trip to Jamaica claiming to be a cannabis cruise, which turned out to be little more than a networking event. Consumption, in any form, was not allowed. 

My dream cannabis cruise would be open to all forms of consumption, and would have a choice of smoke nooks on deck where stoners could indulge, sheltered from the pesky wind. 

For safety reasons, dab rigs and e-nails would be handled by crew only. The Pina Coladas would flow. 

It would be an once-in-a-lifetime experience. A chance to bond with stoners from all over the world. And share stories from the crazy days of prohibition. 

Highly Capitalized, Fat Nugs and Matthew Dean Copyright © 2022. Matthew Dean is a connoisseur of cannabis culture, having worked in legacy sales and distribution for 30 years. He’s also a champion of the forgotten, a food and music dork, psychonaut and cultural attaché to the Outer Rim.